Hard Work

This challenge is hard work!
    I am stuck on the last word.  I think it is because I have accepted the challenge to train as a coach...that means I need to know ALL about coaching. The best way to coach is by example.
    So....I am doing some heavy duty examining and eliminating.  AND caring about my emissions.
    I hope no one out there had their hair catch on fire out of the blue.  I have been struggling with negative emotions over all of this energetic digging up of old feelings. And for some reason all I want to do is sleep.
    Part of this program is to read a truck load of books, meditate, journal, and blog.  Well, you can see how I am doing with the blog part...It is a little bit challenging........wait...that is a 'c' word....and this is called a 90 day challenge....so I guess it is just right.
    I have to keep reminding myself about my theme song... "I'm Just An Old Chunk of Coal"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlkE2Le_RFg

    I know what it takes for a chunk of coal to become a diamond.  There is no way it can be comfortable, or glamorous. But I suppose it is worth it to become something lovely.
    Going from a chunk of coal to a diamond is a little like becoming a butterfly.

I can't imagine what it would feel like to enclose myself into a chrysalis for so long.

   One of the Books on the book list is "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die."  I will tell you right now it is painful to read this book.  But it is so full of great information about overcoming beliefs that you have decided you need but that no longer serve you well...you know the ones that interfere with your health and relationships...to say nothing of hindering your personal growth.

   This is where I am hung up.  Deciding to pick up the mirror and look long and hard at myself has never been high on my fun things to do list.  But I am doing it so bear with me.

Onward and Upward!!

Tari

EXACT

(hmm, it looks like I lost my font...oh well)

I had a glitch in the system but I think I am back on track.

Exact was the word for Tuesday but I didn't get it until late so I saved it for Wednesday and then didn't have time to blog...I did journal, however, so I am sharing my journal entry today then moving on to the next word.

Exact:   To drive, urge, press.  That sounds so harsh...But Noah continues...
   1.  Closely correct or regular; nice; accurate; conformed to rule; as a man is exact in his dealings.
   2.  Precise; not different in the least.
   3.  Methodical; careful; not negligent; correct; observing strict method, rule or order.
   4.  Punctual
   5.  Strict.

That is the adjective...here is the verb...(I like to share it all because there is so much more "light" shed on the matter).

   1.  To force or compel to pay or yield; to demand or require authoritatively; 
        to extort by means of authority or without pity or justice (as tribute from conquered nations).
   2.  To demand of right; as the Laws of God exact obedience from all men.
   3.  To demand of necessity;  to force a yielding or compliance; or to enjoin with pressing urgency.

This word brings Abraham (of the Old Testament) to mind.  He kept God's commandments with exactness. That is perfectly...nothing wavering.  With all my heart I wish that could be said of me.  Sadly, to date, it cannot.  His life was hard...with a crazy father who tried to sacrifice him to false gods...yet he never wavered.  His hardships seemed to make him more determined to stand firm on the side of God and do whatever he was commanded.  Blessings always followed.

Deiter Uchtdorf said that it is never to late to start and the best time to do it is NOW.  I am hoping that the things that I am studying now will help me make better choices.

I know that I want to hear the Lord's instructions to me and follow through with exactness.
Today (Wednesday) I tried to do my job as a pottery teacher that way.  I tried to show respect to others and be cheerful that way.  I tried to be kind and I especially tried to be a good example of LDS womanhood.

I can say that I feel good about my day.

Today (Friday) I think about that word.  Abraham is a good example...and he was a type of Christ.  The sort of person that everyone can look to to know how to obey God and reap the rewards...not just temporal or earthly rewards but eternal rewards.  He was willing to do the hardest things...he was sad and it was hard but he always trusted that God had a good reason for it.

Care has to be taken when listening for the personal commandments of God.  We get to hear it like a voice in our heads.  But there are 3 voices we hear in our heads and we have to learn to distinguish one from the others.  We hear 1) our own voice.  That voice usually asks questions..."Should I go visit Susan today?"  Or "Should I call and cancel my appointment with Mary?"  We hear 2) the Spirit or Light of Christ (which truly is in all of us...and we like to call our conscience).  That voice says "Go visit Susan" or "Keep that appointment with Mary."  It is quiet, and doesn't nag.  If you don't listen it goes away.  The last voice 3) is the adversary...the devil on your shoulder...it says "You don't need to go see Susan.  She just wastes your time and steals your energy.  She probably isn't even home"...etc. and on and on...That voice rattles and pesters and wants to keep you from doing the good and right thing.

I want to tune in to the second voice listed.  I believe that voice will never lead me astray.  I am confident that when I follow it I will come to living my life exactly the right way.

So I will exact compliance of myself and follow that voice exactly.

Onward and Upward!!
Tari

EXAMINE

The word for yesterday was EXAMINE...Now see, I think that should have been the very first word.  I think this whole program (Every Woman A CEO) requires self-examination to even begin.  How do we know what we want to do with ourselves if we don't do a thorough examination?

That being said...the word PARALYZES me.  Looking inside of me is the hardest thing in this life for me to do.  I don't want to see the mess...I just want to shove stuff in boxes and put them in storage where I can forget they are there.  The problem with that is that those stinking boxes don't go away...they pile up and they get in the way...and they are LOADED with so much junk.

Oh, boy.  This is starting to look like my closets and under my bed and it is getting very uncomfortable for me to think about.

Here is my lesson.  If I would just take a few minutes each day to evaluate how the day went...my attitudes and behaviors, etc.  Then I could determine what I want to keep and what I want to change about myself.  Not just eliminate but change...that implies replacing an inappropriate behavior with an appropriate behavior.

When you take a test and you get a wrong answer it is wise to figure out why it was wrong and learn the right answer so that you don't get it wrong again later.  That needs to happen with life, attitudes, behaviors, etc.

Well, here is the definition of EXAMINE
   1.  To inspect carefully, with a view to discover truth or the real state of a thing.
   2.  To search or inquire into facts and circumstances by interrogating
   3.  To look into the state of a subject; to view in all its aspects;  to weigh arguments and compare facts,
         with a view to form a correct opinion or judgement.
   4.  To inquire into the improvements or qualifications of students, by interrogatories, proposing problems
         or by hearing their recitals;
   5.  To try or assay by experiment.
   6.  In general, to search; to scrutinize; to explore, with a view to discover truth;  as, to examine ourselves;
        to examine the extent of human knowledge.

Yep, I had to look up 'assay'....
            the trial of the goodness, purity, weight, value,etc. of metals or metallic substances.

This word may take me 3 months to get through.  The thing is that as I go through these words I am learning to evaluate (examine) how it has applied and how it will be applied in my daily living.  So maybe, if I am consistent, all the boxes that I have filled will diminish as I make my daily assessments...after all, habits are habits and when you eliminate one sometimes several others just go away for lack of support.  Newer habits remove the need for older habits that seem unrelated.  Hmmm, I think I have just talked myself back in to do this.

So today's word is  ELIMINATE.  Oh!!  Cool!!  This is going to work.

EXAMINE

                              ELIMINATE
                                                   
                                                         EXAMINE

                                                                                  ELIMINATE

                                                                                                          EXAMINE

I can do this.  AND  I can EMIT positive energy while I do it...might as well, it makes things much more pleasant.

So here is a dose of positive emission sending your way, dear reader!!

Onward and Upward!!
Tari

New again.... Emit

I have read a series of books that say "...It isn't the beginning but it is a beginning..."

Well, I am beginning again.  With the "E" words in the "90 day challenge"...that has turned out to be taking a LOT longer than 90 days.  Well, the kinks are getting worked out.

Today was the 1st day of a beginning of the "E" words.

Today's word -- Emit

I have been thinking about this word for some time.  It means:
                 1.  To send forth;  To throw or give out;  as, fire emits heat and smoke; boiling water emits
                      steam; the sun and moon emit light; animal bodies emit perspirable matter; putrescent
                      substances emit offensive or noxious exhalations.
                 2.  To let fly;  to discharge;  to dart or shoot;  as, to emit an arrow
                 3.  To issue forth, as an order or decree.
                 4.  To issue, as notes or bills of credit;  to print, and send into circulation.

(You will remember that I use the "American Dictionary of the English Language" compiled by Noah Webster in 1828.)

My train of thought went to sinning...for some reason I have that on my mind...I am reading the Old Testament, and those silly Israelites just couldn't seem to get anything right...anyway...

There are sins of Omission, and sins of COmmission...but have you ever thought that there might be sins of Emission?

A few years ago I was sitting in the break room where I worked.  I wasn't in a very pleasant mood but I thought I was covering it up okay...my boss walked in and said, "Woah!  There is a lot of negative energy in this room."  I guess I was seriously emitting negative energy.  Others were feeling it.

Years ago I did an experiment with brass "divining rods."  We used them to measure the energy of certain emotions.  (I assure you that emotions definitely have energy).  We usually turn it in on ourselves but in this instance I asked my test subjects to think negative thoughts...to think about something that they didn't like about me.  Well, those rods turned round and round in my hands in directions that made them point toward each other.  They spun until I reached the outer perimeter of the energy field...some 10 feet away from the test subject.

Then I had the subject think about something pleasant about me.  To think loving thoughts about me.

Yep, you guessed it the rods spun round and round in my hands away from each other until I reached the outer perimeter of the energy field...I had to go outside to reach that...some 30 feet.

That day I simply learned that those emotions have real energy...but today I thought about what that means.

If I can emit that sort of energy...measurable and powerful...then I want to make sure that that energy is positive and uplifting.

The negative energy would be a "sin" of emission.  Hurtful and draining.  The second definition listed above says it all..."let fly...to dart or shoot...to emit an arrow."  That all sounds pretty negative as far as emotional energy is concerned.

I think I will be much more aware of that sort of thing in my days ahead.  I would much rather emit love.  My Savior said, "As I have loved you love one another."  I think I will do that.

Onward and Upward,
Tari

This project (EWACEO) is the brain-child of a friend.  The challenge was taken up in order to help her through a very rough time in her life.  As she struggles to come out conqueror in her battles she has been successful in many areas of her life.  She is an amazing woman with a LOT on her plate.

This woman has been constructing the lists of words that we work on in this program...however, she has been overwhelmed by a series of events and has not been able to communicate with anyone via the internet or telephone for some time now.  Hence...I am stuck.  I can't really continue with the E-words...unless I make up a list of my own.

I have been watching the blogs of others who are trying out this challenge and picked up a few words but am not sure of the order intended by the creator so I am going to punt on a few of them and then continue to wait for my friend's life to level out so she can communicate with me.

I won't reveal my friend's name but do ask that you pray for her.  God, who hears and answers prayers, knows who you mean if you just call her "Tari's friend."  He also knows her need...he just needs us to exercise faith in her behalf.

Thank you for your kindness in this matter.  I know beyond doubt that prayer works...it has great power...unimaginable power when many combine their faith. (check out all the articles when you google "power of prayer").

So, that said, here is the next word that I have chosen to work on until I hear further from my friend:

Effect     to make

1.           To produce, as a cause or agent; to cause to be. The revolution in France effected a great change of property.

2.     To bring to pass; to achieve; to accomplish; as, to effect an object or purpose.

I believe that enlisting your prayers in behalf of my friend will have a great positive effect on her well-being as well as yours and mine.

I love the idea of working together for the benefit of even one.  The blessings always wash over all who choose to show love and serve another.

Effect. What can I do today that will have a positive effect on tomorrow?  What can I do today that will better effect my attitudes?

You can see how this is work.  It takes introspection...that can be painful exploratory surgery sometimes.

I guess you can see why I tend to put this off.  "Work" is a 4 letter word!  In order for this to be of any benefit for me for the positive I am 'work'ing on changing the way I feel about the word 'work' to the desired effect of changing it to an object of desire.  (sigh) 

Gotta take a deep breath and move...

Onward and Upward :)

Tari

The 'E' Words begin...

Okay, I admit it, I am a coward.  Yep...this part of the 90 day challenge scares me. Work scares me...I am a frustrated perfectionist...Let me rephrase that...I have been a frustrated perfectionist. If I don't think that I can do a thing perfectly then I just don't want to give it the effort at all.  Well, ... I think that needs to change.

The introductory word for the 'E' word series is Execute.  Very apropo.

Execute:      to follow

1.           Literally, to follow out or through.  Hence, to perform; to do; to effect; to carry into complete effect; to complete; to finish.

2.       To perform; to inflict; as, to execute judgment or vengeance.

3.        To carry into effect; as, to execute law or justice.

4.        To carry into effect the law, or the judgment or sentence on a person; to inflict capital punishment on; to put to death; as, to execute a traitor.

5.        To kill.

6.       To complete, as a legal instrument; to perform what is required to give validity to a writing, as by signing and sealing; as, to execute a deed or lease.

** To perform the proper office; to produce an effect.

So, it is my mission to search out and execute the traitorous characteristics of my being and make room for the wonderously amazing woman hiding in my soul...beginning with the frustrated perfectionist.

If I haven't learned anything else from my sojourn into pottery I have learned that once I throw that clay down onto the wheel (you have to throw it down so it sticks) it can become anything...even if it ends up being something other than what I intended at the outset.  And just because it doesn't turn out to be what my first idea was doesn't mean it isn't something useful and beautiful.  I gave up throwing things out early on...because the pieces had such potential to be serious or whimsical...so I end up with a bowl instead of a mug...of a large vase instead of a pitcher...or a pitcher instead of a bowl...I still have something wonderful.

The 'frustrated' part of the perfectionist is going away.  The perfectionist can remain...there is a place for her...she just has to understand that it is a destination requiring a process...you know, the refiner's fire and all that.

So with all this in mind...I may take more than a day on each of these next 30 words... which makes this challenge more than 90 days for me,but that's okay... because I want to make them a part of me...I want to effect change...I want to sculpt a thing of beauty and strength.  It really only needs to please me and God...if it does that...the 2 of us together...I will be pleased.

Onward and Upward!!
Tari

Cultivated was the Last C word on the list.

Now we begin the "E" words.  I am behind.  I should be on the third word today but I am having a brain cramp.

The C words were fun because I could just observe the day and see how things were going...sort of glancing at myself.  But these E words are demanding more of me.  I have to take out the tools and DO something.

I am stepping back for a minute and writing down a plan.  I will post that and then get busy...seriously.  I want to excel with this challenge.  The follow through is very important to me.

Onward and Upward!!
Tari